Parenting is such a strong part of the life of an individual. The home as a foundation forms the behaviour, habits, believes and more of an individual.
The Moral Code asked 7 regular Naija mothers their experiences and lessons learnt from parenting their kids and here are some of the things they had to say, hoping parents and would be parents learn a thing or two here.
Real Life Lessons From 7 Naija Moms on Parenting Their Kids:
Oluwabunmi Remi-Tijani of @abcsignatures – Based in Lagos
Kids learn more from what they see you do than what you say. For example I’ve seen our son put his pairs of socks in his shoes after taking them off just because Daddy does it.
I have also learnt that helping them acknowledge their emotions makes them more aware of and describe their emotions, rather than subduing them. Our son now says it when he’s angry or upset. Was shocked when he told me earlier today that he was nervous in church cos of the crowd he saw.
So, we only allow cartoons from Friday through Sunday, because it got to a point, it seemed that was all Daniel lived for. You can’t ask him to get you something from the next room without dashing off with a Super Cat Speed (Thanks to PJMasks). Started noticing the behavioural change that could only be traced back to his favourite cartoons. So, we cut the time back, but then, it’s played a major role in his vocabulary, even I trip and I’m always proud to be his mom when he talks outside or even within the 4walls of our home. People hear him speak and are like, this is truly ‘Bunmi’s son, I know only 35% of how is speaks is from me, the rest is from Disney and Nick Jnr.
So, I sit down with him to watch, just to know what messages are being passed on and all, and we have banned Ben10 in our house since like forever….. He tells other children who are Ben10 fans that it’s not a good cartoon for them to watch. They’ll be disrespectful and won’t be kind to others blah blah blah
My husband gets the door for me, I had to insist cos I deserve a gentle man and now Daniel doesn’t jump down before his sister. He helps her get down from the car and he’s very protective of her and me cos his dad upon leaving the house or when we are driving off to school tells him the Barton is now his and he must take care of the girls. He sometimes outdo himself….., but I am raising a gentleman and he’s willing to be one.
When he messes up which he does on a daily basis as we always have reasons to yell the house down on a daily, he says “he’s sorry”, even after I’ve spanked him.
Mariama Bobbo – Entrepreneur/Business Adviser based in Abuja
Kids don’t really understand shouting!
They might seem small but eye contact and explaining to them what they did wrong with a firm warning works better.
Most parents think they don’t understand the calm heart to heart talk
Never secomb to tantrums : a firm NO repeatedly keeps you at an advantage!
Allowing them because they are crying means they get the answer to what they want!
Scream and you get, It should never be so
What you permit you allow!
Likewise and business wise I have come to learn great lessons from kids
2. Emotional blackmail (emotional selling point of view)
3. They ask without fear of objection
Bliss Edwin-Udeigwe – Working class Mum based in Kaduna
What I have learnt through parenting my kids is PATIENCE! I use to be a woman with zero tolerance for anything that stresses me out but my kids have humbled me in so many ways.
My son for example will not eat until he is fed… I have done everything in this world to make him feed himself but I haven’t found a way out yet. So if I want him to eat something tangible I have to get down from my high horse and feed a four year old boy😭
Truth is I feel so happy doing it too, because the series of “thank you mummy for feeding me” and “I love you mummy” that I get melts my heart every single time.
I cannot be SELFISH anymore! I think of my kids first in all situations.
I had to turn down a good paying job because the timing would make me miss so much time with my kids. I ended up picking a lesser paying job just because it afforded me more time with my kids.
Adaeze Thelma Onukwugha – Nigerian Mum based in Oman
This is a topic no one tells you anything about, you learn everyday. There are no manual to it.
Having my kids have taught me a great deal of patience. Kids will push you till you turn red! Many times I lash out at them and spank them but this doesn’t always help as they are kids and the forget things quickly.
I have said to myself that I won’t raise my kids like my parents did. Communication is all we need to raise kids. I apologise at will towards them so they can see that apology is not a thing that should be done by them alone, but also parents should do it.
People advice me on how to handle my kids but I will say this, ignore advices from people and study your kids. Every child is different and has different personalities.
My advice: parenting is not an easy task, caution your kids, spank them, ground them, apologise to them, communicate and explain things to them, do not put fear in them. Above all do everything in love with them and be their someone they can confide in.
Sherifat Balogun – Veterinary Doctor based in Sokoto
Parenting has taught me that kids are very smart but still they do not fully understand the consequences of what they are doing. So patience is key.
Never be too fast to head for koboko ni gbogbo igba (heading for the cane every time) Nice talk works too.
Above all I have learned to always be of good conduct and tell them the reasons for things. Even if its about Democrats and Republicans.
Rosemary Oyiza Bello-Salami – Working class/Business Mum based in Kogi
Parenting has thought me what True love is. You find yourself Loving someone beyond words. Your child needs comes before yours, their welfare is your Priority.
It has also thought me Patience because you have to most things at their own pace and with Love. My child is my heartbeat.
Winifred Chidaalu – Working Class mum and Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger based in Abuja
1. Patience is very important because the mind of kids is filled with foolishness,
if you are not patient, you may find yourself hurting your child for something
that should be normal for kids.
2. They learn a lot from the adults around them,
so be careful what you expose them to. for example;
how you treat the babysitter, how you tidy or litter the house, etc.
3. Kids like to learn what they can get away with,
so they will dare you, throw tantrums, reject meals, etc.
To see what you will or will not condone. So you have to be alert
to avoid them controlling you with their emotions…
For instance, we know everyone has a favourite food,
but my kid gets to eat everything I present,
but get extra on her favourite food days…
so she understands, she can’t be choosing
what to eat and what not to eat.