I hope this speaks to the heart and stimulates good judgment in someone today. Welcome to my small corner of musings.
We expire as women and many other sick notions society uses to define us which sadly has led many to the famous express the masquerade was warned not to enter, so that it doesn’t get hit. Hopefully ladies, after reading this you don’t become that masquerade. Hopefully, men after reading this, you can change how you raise your daughters, or your future daughters.
So society says your biological clock is ticking. If you’ve been saying this to yourself, stop now! If you’ve been saying this to others! STOP NOW! let me tell you how a woman who believes this behaves.
She runs after everything that looks like love or potential. She acts desperate to become Mrs somebody and doesn’t mind the hooligan she might end up with to keep up with this, because in her head she can change him and besides her biological clock is ticking. She fears the number 30 hitting her as her age because that’s the number of decline of her life as society says. If she’s married, because her biological clock is ticking, she fails to settle into life and be calm, to enjoy marital bliss, even the pressure that doesn’t exist, she creates one for herself. She’s still running here and there drinking all manner of concoction to have a child. I am not berating the pain of childlessness, but I wish people can learn that sometimes a child may not come through you but one can grow through you, and that’s just as beautiful. Because as long as it’s no fault of yours, you should not feel ashamed that for now you aren’t able to birth a child.
In one of my videos where I talked about the rising rape culture in Nigeria, I mentioned an experience at a meet up event addressing the same rape issues and one of the stories shared was that of a woman who encouraged her husband to rape her neighbors baby because some vodoo man told her that was the way she could have a child. They did it and I can’t recall if that baby survived or not, how evil and desperate can you be, to destroy a child in order to have your own? When you desperately want something, this is how your mind will tilt towards evil till you turn the thought into action.
Society tells you if you hit 30 you have started to expire, that you are damaged goods, you are less desirable. I tell you today that if 30 is nearing for you dear good woman, embrace it, long for it, usher it in with celebration and joy in your heart. 3 decades on earth is beautiful, you are not who you were in your 20s you know a lot more, you are as beautiful as you treat and make yourself feel. It’s about you, not the world. You are as beautiful as you feel inside.
You are made to feel that you you must dull your shine, downplay or hide your achievements. You can’t buy that land, that house, that car because you will intimidate some people. Please don’t wait for certain things to happen before you live your best life, don’t postpone your fulfillment and joy, the right people in your life will never be intimidated by your shine, the ones that are and want you to dim your light to make them more comfortable should be kicked out the door. As long as you have worked honestly to earn all you have, you are on the right track and should remain there.
You are made to feel you only have a place in either your father’s house or your husband’s. Please don’t be that person, you are made to feel that you only have a spot in one of those two places, but I tell you, you can create your own haven. It’s painful to see women kicked out of husbands’ houses and fathers’ houses too reject them. Sometimes the two homes meant to be your place of refuge, becomes your place of torture. This is why all your life, while women are known to live for others, to sacrifice for others which is a natural trait of the woman, while all this is true and noble, you must learn to have your own life, a little something that belongs to you and you alone, so that when the world wants to tear you apart and you have no support from those meant to protect you, you run back to your little thing. Decide what that thing will be, and never lack those human beings that come rain or shine you are certain will always have your back. Have a solid support system.
Dear men, please do not raise your daughters to believe once they leave your home, they have no safety net with you anymore, you are the original protectors of your daughters. It is not your business what people will say, when people go to bed at night they are thinking about their own lives. It is your duty to protect and preserve the dignity of your daughter.
Society sometimes speak to us like we are objects or properties. No, women are complete human beings.
Marriage is not a ticket to heaven. Your worth and value before God is not by your married title, every human being has a unique purpose, some listen to their inner voices and find it, some spend all their lives listening to others around them and never find it, they define themselves based on everything from outside, but never anything from inside.
This is why it’s important to be alone for a while to be okay with being alone, great people, even the prophets of God found themselves in solitude. They heard and understood their purpose in solitude. Have you found yourself? Do you know where you want to be and how you want to get there? Have you been asking yourself questions and answering them?
If you desire to get married are you clear about the kind of partner you want? Have you asked yourself the behaviors you could never tolerate? Have you agreed with yourself what you may be able to tolerate? If you are married and raising kids, are you parenting deliberately, or leaving everything on autopilot? Do you have a plan for if life takes you on routes completely new to you.
We’ve been emotionally blackmailed into believing a lot of things, things that have become ingrained in our subconscious. Sometimes we are even told it’s God that has instructed these twisted notions, a weapon used by those who want to control us, make us beneath them and more. Believe me when I say, if something doesn’t feel right and they tell you it’s from God, don’t just swallow it, check it well, because God doesn’t intend a hard life for us, yes there’ll be hardships but He has also promised that after pain will come ease.
I wish we all come to understand, men inclusive, that we are only defined by what we choose as definition for ourselves, not what others say.
I wish we can all learn, that pressure from outside can barely get us, when we maintain our calm on the inside.
If you believe you expire, you will behave like an expired person. Ugly, tired, desperate, fake, manipulative. But if you are calm and full of yourself on the inside, full of positive thoughts, you will easily see through those who just want to make you lesser. Who think that you too must conform to everything society says. Who are you not to conform.
There’s more to this existence called life than they make us believe. Find You today! And start to rise like a true bright star.
I want to say so much more but since it’s getting difficult to craft it into words. I’ll stop here. Thanks for reading.
I’m Maryam Abdulrasheed the convener of The Moral Code. I love to think, read and write. I love observing and listening to people, I love creating content and I’m an active pursuer of my dreams. Follow my page social media pages, it’s free to follow with just the tap of a button. You can also subscribe to this blog.