THE CHALLENGES OF 30 PLUS SINGLE WOMEN

We asked ladies to share some of the issues around life in the 30s. They shared around pressure on marriage, the difference between life in their 20s and 30s and other things in-between. You can probably relate with some of these.

30 is the mainstream expiration age for a woman, regarding marriage.

If you clock thirty Unmarried, it attracts all sorts. Sometimes pity, as if you have instantly become handicapped for not being married. “Concerned people” (who are close family and friends) usually suggest all sorts from prayers and deliverance to match making you with all kinds of men . They become desperate on your behalf and think the only box left to be ticked in your life is man/marriage.

When you express displeasure about certain things you are seen as rebellious, unserious about marriage and maybe a feminist . At this point everyone tries to remind you that humility is a necessary virtue to attract a man and marriage.

98% of the time, the “humility” they mean is down playing your gifts, strength and achievements to make the man and his ego comfortable.

Dear woman being assertive is not arrogance, knowing your worth is not pride. Being self reliant is not saying you don’t need a man. It’s an insult to your creator to shrink yourself for a man’s ego and under use the potential that God has given you.

Give yourself permission to soar and bloom and maximize your potentials. There are secure men out there who will be happy to be with you.

Don’t let anyone mess with your crown Queens.

CHIAMAKA

I wanted to be married by age 25

I was very very pressured mostly from friends and acquaintances. My family never mentioned it and I just ignored all of them.

In my 30s I learnt to remain calm and trust God. I also learnt that I can please everybody. In fact I learnt plenty things o!

I can say that I’m living an answered prayers of many years. There’s nothing that pays off more than trusting God

Anonymous

As a single lady in her early 30. There was always pressure from family and friends asking when you are going to get married. There is always advice from them on how you should behave to your new boyfriend if you tell them you found one. “Do quick and bring him o. Don’t allow him to go again” as if you are the one pursuing them. And you finally get married nko? Another pressure of “when will you get pregnant start to come. What have you done in that regard. Do this, do that ……”

They never consider how you feel in all or what you are going through as a person. They just talk.

In all we should always be thankful and depend on God for everything.

LATEEFAH

I wanted to be married before 25 but the years just kept rolling by and I have had to adjust to getting married at God’s time. I just crave babies but I need to make money to take care of them and I must marry before babies come, that’s me sticking to the order notwithstanding the time. I have things a single me should achieve before settling down.

On the pressure to marry. I have defended my self by saying “marriage is not the ultimate na” we will marry and get tired eventually. Sometimes I change location or reduce conversation time with my ‘Get married family members and friends’ Some will even tell you to leave that relationship, if you are in any for a long period, that he will leave you one day but when you know what you want and are smart, nothing should freak you.

Eventually they adjust abi they want to marry you?

In your 20s you are a dreamer, you make plans and imagine all will be as imagined. After school I will get married, I will get a job and move to a bigger city etc. You think the whole world is rooting for you, my dear everyone is busy, they can’t even give you their 50%.

Financially, you might have resources for that level, but lack investment ideas or advice.

At this stage, you marry mostly for love except you were betrothed or your parents kept you in a wealthy mix and you understand the transfer of wealth so you then consider money.

You admire people, seek advice and wish they can see through you and recommend the best option that will make you never make mistakes and then you realize no matter how much you have mentors, they can only guide you but in the end, you have to decide for yourself.

(I remember once, I probably was 23, preparing to get married to someone who was 12 years older, can’t even remember to what extent Love existed here but I saw fear in me, making this decision but everyone was looking at the TALL, DARK and Handsome TDH that I had presented, I even took him to my pastor so that he can see through and say No, little did I know that life does not work like that. eventually got the heartbreak of a “lifetime” but we mueveee…

You just have some life lessons to learn, do you want to learn them in marriage or before saying ‘I do’?.

So I realized I crave moments that have passed. lately, I bask in Moments, enjoy it till I can’t no more but I try to be smart sha.

I stopped regretting and learnt to smile (genuine happiness)

I stopped being a snub and tried to relate because everyone is going through stuff, how can I help ease and not contribute to it.

My money is much more useful, I calm down, make money and spend wisely

Ah! In your late 20s and 30s, Men read desperation, so don’t show it openly so they don’t maximize that and treat you like a nobody, You are valuable and your heart desires will be granted eventually.

Have a plan but still go with the flow of life wisely, know when to play and when to pause but let your Yes be Yes and No be No.

Girl, You are wiser with your choices now, experience should have shaped you especially when you don’t give into the pressure but appreciate the stage you are. You can make your decisions yourself, I always say when a thing is not working for you and you have tried all you can, Divert your passion to something else that you know works for you and give it your Best

Stop worrying and seek happiness, if the pressure is too much, walk away from that environment because this people putting pressure on you might be doing it out of Love and a need for grand children but com’on we all have our lives to live and they might never know to what extent they have or are pushing You.

OMILEHA

Have you endured pressures from family and friends on your age and being single? How have you handled such pressures if yes? 

Partially. Being that I’ve been there, the pressure is not much, though my folks will love to see me married because I’m still young and beautiful.

What is the difference between life in your 20s and life in your 30s?

Honestly, 20s is really more like grooving stage… 30s a lot of reality begins to hit you as regards the things you want to achieve in life (marriage, career, business, etc. Changes are that you will lose interest in somethings you like or went crazy about in your twenties. In your 30s, you want to have fun, but with less risks and live more intentionally… prioritizing your happiness and peace of mind more.

Share One good thing about being at this stage and say something positive to yourself and to other women.

For me, I’m glad I got a second chance… to rebuild my life and make a detour. For a lady who has been through so much emotional rollercoaster… I’m glad I am still a happy person and the devil didn’t succeed in stealing my joy. I also thank God I have the word of God in me…it strengthens me daily.

WINNIE

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